Is London better than Grand Baie?

I am in London.

It is the English version of summer. The shops are hot and the streets are cool or wet. The sun is bright, but everyone is carrying a brolly and no one is wearing sunglasses. I am here to watch the cricket at Lords - my brother in law is a member - and then go up north of the Mersey and watch the British Open, or The Open, as the purists call it.

Leaving Mauritius always tears at my heart. But travel does give one a chance to take stock. What do I miss and what makes me happy to be Mauritian?

First of all, London is English. The accents are different but everything is in my language. In Mauritius we get used to only understanding bits of what happens around us. The longer we are there the bigger the bits we understand get, but I honestly don't think anyone in Mauritius really knows, completely, what is happening around them.

We English speakers who don't mix with the locals are the worst offenders. It is fine for the odd SA tourist to call Grand Bay 'Graand Baaaai'. The secret is that in French or Creole, Grand Baie does not rhyme with Braai, it rhymes with Bay. I sound like a smug expert, but truth be told, after 15 years in Mauritius, all I can do is order a cold beer or my steak rare - and pronounce Grand Baie correctly.

It seems that unless you are married to a local, the temptation is to follow the line of least resistance and socialise with those who speak your language. Hell, we tried. Once we were invited to dinner with some new French speaking friends. Two English vs. six French speakers who speak English equals a night starting with polite translations followed by ever increasing conversations to which you are excluded. We were not invited back, much to our relief.

What else do I see in London that I miss in Mauritius?

Public transport. Traveling on the Express train in First Class from Heathrow to Paddington was worth every Great British Pound. Gentle instructions, four seats to myself and an up to date golf magazine were a pleasure. Much better than the white-knuckle ride in a taxi from Sir Seewoosuggur Ramgoolam Airport (branding managers pay attention) to our house in the North.

How I wish we had a railway system that circled the Island with trains every 30 minutes. I am sure the tourists would love it too. And those who lived at Anahita would be able to join the rest of Mauritius.

Flying in to London on Virgin showed me the first Air Mauritian comparative disadvantage:

The thing I HATE most about Air Mauritius, is their insistence on playing the 'Relax and Shop Video' over the loud speakers at the start of every flight, just after the tedious safety video. You are belted in, seat-backs in the Gestapo position, trapped in a metal tube, you have lost all control over your life and bodily functions, and to make matters worse, they try to brain-wash you with some ghastly treacly music sound track with overlaid crap English accent and dead boring content. Please, Air Mauritius, take this off the loud speaker and put it where it belongs...in the optional video section. Hell, I don't even care if you play it first before the other videos, just play it through the head-phone channel and give me the chance not to listen to it for the 254th time.

I am surprised that the executives at Air Mauritius don't get irritated by it too. Maybe it is not played in First Class.

While we are in the comparison zone, some surprising observations:

The traffic is worse in London.
The pavements, while broader, are just as full and impassable.
Crossing the road is as dangerous.
The shops are hotter in London.
People confront you more in London - specifically those irritating neo-homeless who want you to buy their newsless papers.
There are almost no beggars in London or Mauritius (but thousands in South Africa).
Cycling looks cool in London. It seems suicidal in Mauritius.

London has a nightlife. Port Louis is comatose after 5 pm, Grand Baie (remember, Bay not Baai) is meant to be the hot spot of Mauritius. Restaurants are getting better but have a long way to go. We are, in the greater scheme of city nightlife, still the village idiots.

Having said that, Johannesburg is really exciting at night.

Survivors are requested to post their responses.